Reflections One Year Later

It's been one year this week since Thanksgiving and the peculiar elevator incident.  Here are just a few thoughts and observations that have been going through my mind about the year in passing.  This post isn't like a story plot with a beginning and a denouement...and an end.  Sometimes, a girl just needs to put these things down in black and white as a memorial, a monument, a cairn.

• Since the year has passed, I still have yet to ride the elevators in my office building again, but I've been up to the Observation Deck of the Sears Tower (or building formerly named Sears Tower) and its 100 odd floors to witness my brother's proposal to his now wife (and that was a good elevator incident). 
• I've since learned the name of the beautiful lady who cleans the building (she was one who stood outside the elevator asking if I was okay). I've since found out that she is a beautiful sister-in-Christ who is also a missionary and a prayer warrior and a mother of a girl with my name (and a few other kids too).   She has such a light about her countenance and a joy evident about her and I love to talk with her.

• I'm still thinking I haven't loved well. I want to love like Jesus loved, whether friends or family, strangers, acquaintances, enemies.  How long, O Lord?

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. ²Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. ³Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.     (I John 3:1-3)

• My calculations still don't matter and God is still in control.  He is sovereign even when we attempt to wrest that control from Him and get our own way.  I am still dealing with procrastination and other things we read about in Proverbs, things that Wisdom says are foolishness...so, on the one hand, He knows we are but dust, but on the other...
  
  

• In our low moments, sometimes our friends aren't there for us, for whatever reason. And sometimes, even if our loved ones are in proximity (either by phone call, "social media" or right there with us in the flesh), they cannot know the depths of that moment, but this compassionate Jesus knows these depths of loneliness purely.  On the night Jesus was to be betrayed and handed over to his torturers, his friends were nearby at the Mount of Olive's Garden of Gethsemane sleeping, unaware of the turmoil, even though Jesus had asked them to keep vigil. Jesus knows. Jesus knows... Sometimes all I want to do is lean on another sinful person, or on some sensory thing like a beautiful song, or fill that space up with empty pursuits, instead of the righteous Jesus. Why is this? It should not be so...

 

• I am still sorting through (shouldn't it be sorted by now?) my time in Cambodia - I think I realized I was going there within 3 months of this elevator incident, but less than a week prior to the elevator incident, I had heard and received the sending (not knowing exactly where), and had been reading some scriptures, praying, studying missions.  I was compelled to make my first phone call to a sending agency (that was when I thought I was going to Montreal) just a few days prior.  It's funny how one half hour in a faulty elevator car can change things.  Of course, I can also point back to August of the same year when Image as a church body fasted for a month or so (during this time, mighty things were happening - some things were getting bound and others loosed and along with the corporate, church and community-wide deliverance and growth that happened, on a personal level, God used that time to make some more space in my life where idols were released, destroyed and removed). It's funny how a month can change things too.  It's funny how two months or a year can change things. Or a minute or a moment...

• We can't become too comfortable about where we are.  Stagnancy is poison.  Sometimes, in the waiting we get anxious for gods made of our own hands.  Contentment is one thing.  Being comfortable and complacent is another. It makes ripe soil for arrogance and pride and forgetfulness.   Where do we go from there?  Right back to the cross.
  

• But..."For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God"
  

• My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. O Lord, be the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

Shalom.
mel

None like Him

The LORD inhabits the praises of His people...

Isaiah in the Park

 
My afternoon in the park....  Great thing about laptops and other portable solutions (like a simple pencil and piece of paper).  Means I get to study the book of Isaiah and powerpoint professors' lectures while sitting outside in God's glorious creation on an unseasonably warm day.    Glad for the sunlight. Vitamin D replenished.  Glad for worship this morning before the park-study. Soul food replenished.

Peace.

Fallen Leaves and Other Detritus

Fall = a chance for all the detritus that's still hanging on to become detritus that is discarded, shed, released, burned off like dross from silver.

On this day, this very morning, I sat upon a blanket of moss and fallen leaves, with my ears caressed by the sound of water lapping against the riverbank.  On this day, my skin was awakened by the slight nip of cold dampness in the air while my heart and eyes were opened to a truth that had become stale and unconsidered in the self-obsessed condition of my fallen nature.  I had forgotten some words of that most precious tome that is life-giving and sanctifying. 

I sometimes come to the woods when I seek to feel energetic, lively, peaceful, closer to God.  I come to the woods to celebrate. While nature is definitely NOT God,  but instead is created BY God, something about nature always reminds me that none of this is by chance.  Something about being in nature seems to allow me to share some of the tender, hidden away bits and pieces of my soul a little less awkwardly...lets all my senses join in...

This morning, after a long season of forgetfulness (and the brattiness that undoubtedly tags along), Jesus put an ever so gentle reminder right there into my hands (hands which had to be emptied once again to be able to receive this reminder) about who He is and what He endured for the sake of us (even we who deny Him, spit upon Him, mock Him, wrongfully accuse Him, live like we never knew Him).   It's hard to get it when we let our hearts become hardened.  An undivided heart and a hardened heart are two very very very different ways of being and I'm convinced that neither is really "easy" but one of them "feels" a lot safer, at least in the here and now (though we know it is not safe at all, but rather terribly foolish).

I know I'm not quite "out of the woods" of this forgetfulness yet, but I know by faith that God has promised some very good things as He pursues me with His more-than-we-can-fathom-irresistible kind of love.  I know that whatever God's got in store for me is far superior to whatever my own plans and wants (or anyone else's for that matter) could ever be.

So here's to fallen leaves and new years and remembering...and to good shepherds who don't let their little sheep stray too far.

Yep...what he said

Just re-listening to a Mark Driscoll (Mars Hill Church - Seattle) talk on Proverbs where he quotes Martin Luther (of the reformation type).

Ask and examine your heart diligently, and you will find whether it cleaves to God alone or not. If you have a heart that can expect of Him nothing but what is good, especially in want and distress, and that, moreover renounces and forsakes everything that is not God, then you have the only true God. If on the contrary, it cleaves to anything else, of which it expects more good and help than of God, and does not take refuge in Him, but in adversity flees from Him, then you have an idol, another god.

...Posted for your reading and self-assessing pleasure.

Pray for...

Indonesia and Samoa and South East Asia...as they deal with the earthquakes and tsunamis and flooding and aftershocks and rescue and recovery efforts.


kyrie eleison.

Brief lesson from the King's Court

This evening, I had the honor and privilege of playing for the king. And I flubbed, royally.  While a gracious fellow-musician friend comically suggested that I was basically just providing dissonance (which is musically acceptable), and another shared that he does the same thing from time to time (i.e. "crashes and burns"), I still couldn't help but think about it some after the damage had already been done. 

Most of us musicians (at least the ones who will continue to play our instruments and use our gifts and talents) will get over making a mistake whether it's in front of another musician we wanted to impress, or whether it's in front of an audience or a crowd.... It happens - we're humans and if we don't make the mistake, our instruments at some point in time will then be the cause (whether a string breaks in the middle of a great riff, or the drum stick cracks and splits into two pieces, or maybe the cold of the air-conditioning concert hall causes our tone to be less warm and rich than how we've been practicing and playing, or the digital part of whatever newfangled thing you're using just plain goes digicrazy).  It's just unavoidable.  It's one of the joys of live music and live performance - anything could happen --  from having one of those synchronistically perfect moments where everybody in the band or orchestra just nails the passage and all of the rhythms and voices and dynamics for that moment nearly take your breath away --- to having one of those moments when all of a sudden the microphone and the monitor collide in the air between them and the scream of feedback deafens everybody within earshot. If we refuse to play our instruments again because of the potential for failure, then we rob ourselves and others of the propensity for an immensity of joy that would have resulted from pulling or pushing or massaging or tickling more sounds from the keys or strings or mallets or our very voices. So, we get over the embarrassment or chunk taken out of our pride...

Well, tonight I had one of those moments on the flute where I just couldn't seem to play in the right key (even though the whole song was written out in front of me - key signature included).  Normally (at least on this instrument), if I can't find where I am, I can at least improvise enough to make where I am fit where the song is.  But tonight it just wasn't happening.  And it was because I hadn't properly prepared myself as a musician for this moment.  I'd played the songs before and I was overly confident and didn't take the necessary time with them for this moment. A combination of this and the cramping sensation in my left hand and it was over with before it really even started.  So, while my prayers before I went to play were that the sounds would be sweet to the ears of the intended recipient (and the spirit was willing), and that Jesus would receive glory through the music, my flesh indeed proved weak and flawed in this. Thing is, this was a performance for a king and it is simply and undeniably appropriate to play with excellence, to the best of my abilities, when summoned to bring sweet sounds before such greatness.

As I was leaving the building where we gather to lift these songs to God, and usher others into his courts and throne room, I was actually not thinking about the embarassment of playing a few wrong notes in front of the people gathered there.  Instead, all I could think was how merciful is Jesus, the king of kings, in so much of life. In lesser kingdoms, a court musician, a jester, an attendant would lose their head for less and yet here is Jesus inviting me back to bring my gifts (gifts He gave me to begin with) before Him, for His glory, clay that I am.  It just makes me want to play with excellence out of gratitude...to make every effort to being prepared both musically, and in my heart and spirit for the next time I come before His throne with these instruments of praise.  I think this might be one of those transferrable lessons....

... I will rejoice for He has made me glad....

What do Mary Lou, Francis Chan, and a Pilgrim have in common?

As a child and young teen, I was sometimes fortunate enough to take gymnastics lessons.  In 1980, I watched Nadia Comaneci with wonder and in 1984 dreamed of being like Mary Lou Retton. When I lived in the midwest in a town known for its large population of  Eastern Europeans (think Olga...think Bela), gymnastics was the thing for girls to do and excel at and I loved going to my Czechoslovakian (pre-1990's) gym across town to practice routines, and hours away for gymnastics meets. I love to remember the times that I could do a cartwheel or roundoff without getting dizzy and when being up on a 4" wide plank several feet off the floor didn't cause me to perspire. I never made it to the elite level with gymnastics but I still love to watch these really talented athletes hit a really good routine or nail a landing.

I saw this video on Pastor Clint Clifton's blog and thought I would pass it along also because it's both grievously and hilariously honest and poignant.
 
...Shalom.

Transitions...

(little sister)

So, on Thursday I got on an airplane and left Cambodia, and about 36 hours later, I was "home". These two months have gone by quickly and yet it seems like it was almost a lifetime ago that I got on a plane to see a land I had previously only read, dreamed and heard about.  After 2 months, I've made friends and acquaintances, learned some things, gotten used to some things and unacquainted with others.  I know there are still things there to be learned and experienced...still much work to be done there and God has placed many laborers there and will hopefully raise up more laborers indeed for the great harvest that I hope comes to Kampuchea. Less than one year ago, I couldn't have imagined that this is where I would end up, and yet....

Over the past two months, I've missed my home church, my family, my friends, my local Starbucks baristas and buddies, coworkers.   And now begins the time of missing the new friends and brothers and sisters in Jesus halfway around the world.  It is also a time for allowing these experiences to be part of the shaping and molding that God had planned for me long ago... 

So many of these new friends and acquaintances in Cambodia asked me not to forget them (some asked me not to forget their village) and I can't help but think "how could I forget you?...how could I forget your village?".

(grandmother)

  



 

I took a couple of days to visit Kampong Som (Sihanoukville). It was a much needed retreat and rest for me and gave me the chance to meditate on the glory and grace of Jesus while surrounded by the pacifying ocean waters. Originally, I had planned to take a group trek to the Ream National Park here, but woke up feeling rather ill. After some sleep and some time with Jesus in prayer, by afternoon I felt much better. I rented an innertube for the next couple of hours until sunset and hung out in the ocean, thinking about how awesome God is, how gracious and holy and really merciful. I was considering how the prophets of old and even the heavenly hosts (angels) would shield their faces for fear of the glory of the Lord and I was thinking about how bold and potentially arrogant it is to insist on seeing God's glory unveiled like that. And I was thinking about how when they saw His glory, they became so much more aware of how far short they fell of His glory that they begged for His mercy.

Then, this evening, I was treated to dinner at the home of one my students. His wife cooked quite the spread of chicken wings and a beef meal in a red sauce with peanuts (somewhat like a curry, but not) with Khmer noodles, Chinese noodles, rice, and some greens and also plenty of salma/rambuton (sp?) fruit. Delicious! And very nice to spend some time meeting the rest of his family and hearing more of his story and dreams for the future.

Until next time...
Grace and peace,
mel

Flooding in the village...

(From the village of my friend Bunny)

It's rainy season here. The boat is actually in the front yard of the home where this young girl lives.

I like this photo because in addition to the smiling face of the friendly girl, it includes two popular modes of transportation for the village - the boat and the bicycle. I like the juxtaposition. She will wade or swim through the water to get to her home.

I spent one night in the village of my favorite tuktuk driver and friend, Bunny, and got to meet his children and wife and mom. Recently, the tuk tuk driver has also become my english student. He says he feels badly taking my money and my education, but I think it is a fine set-up. Formula for his youngest child costs $10 a week, and $40 a month. Probably sounds like very little to most Westerners/Americans, but it is a huge amount here. Consider that I can buy a very delicious breakfast of rice, grilled pork/vegetables, and soup for 3000 riel (that is $0.75), and some people I know *carefully* live off of just under $300/month including transportation and fuel, lodging, food, and any other necessities. It makes my head spin a little to consider. And now, with the rainy season and flooding of their vegetable fields, the people will *maybe* have just enough to eat.


To the right is a photo of the W.C. and the rainwater containers. I don't know if they are considered cisterns or not... Anyway, we had to walk through the water to get from the house to the W.C. Some of the water is just from the rain, and some of the water is from the flooding of the Mekong River.

Beefy Surprises...and tough places

So, the other evening after our last english club of the evening, Luke and I went searching for some food nearby. We ended up at a restaurant / bar / gathering place where the menu was all in Khmer. Of course, we hadn't quite gotten far enough in our Khmer lessons to learn all the words for the different types of food we would want to order, but there is often someone around who speaks enough English to help us order. The meal above is what we ended up with after ordering noodles with beef. Remember the commercials from the 1980's (okay, sorry to my younger friends but sometimes I have to share my age!)?

WHERE'S THE BEEF? hahahahahaha! So, while this girl is happy to eat sushi when in the States from reputable Japanese restaurants, eating fully cooked squid and octopus in another country is a bit of a mental challenge, especially when one expected to see pieces of cow on the plate instead of things with tentacles. Needless to say, I ended up thoroughly enjoying the meal and the company of both Luke and the young man who helped us with ordering our non-beef beef meal. He shared alot about Buddhism, and also about his own experiences and desires - for example a desire to go to heaven, because in hell "people eat people". He talked about some of the animism here also, which was helpful for a better understanding of how people view spirits and the spiritual realm here.

Below is the spread of food from one of my meals at my friend Sophor's home. Dried, salted fish, dried and salted and left out to dry outside of the home in a basket atop a wooden stand... Fresh cucumbers. Rice! A sweet and sour kind of spicy sauce made from a fruit I've never before seen, and a delicious curry. It was nice to share lunch with my friend and her brother.


Some of the homes near my friend's home. Most of the folks who live here in this area were burned out of the slums - their HOMES - a few years ago in a different part of town as the government wanted to make space for other development /buildings. People try to make do here, but it is a very difficult life with little hope as people believe that their past lives have somehow determined the poverty in their current lives.

It is getting dark outside so I will have to append this post at another time as I need to go home from the cafe now before it gets too late. God bless you all. Jesus is our hope.

Lately...

Yeeaye (Grandma).... She wanted us to take pictures and share them with our countries so that we will remember her and so that you all will know about her and her village.

A few of the little ones from the village. The hammock is incredibly comfortable and our hosts there make certain that we try it out every time we are there!

We visited the Royal Palace on Saturday, a group of nearly ten of us...Of course, I was drawn to the traditional music being played. They invite people to join and naturally, I did not refuse.


Last week was difficult on some levels, and yet God provided comfort and encouragement. I am hoping that this was the extent of the culture shock for me where on one particular day everything unfamiliar became irritating - especially the sound of the music that nearly consistently begins at 4:30am near my lodging and the odd and pungent smells that arise both during the day and at night here. Gratefully, I have gotten much better rest over the last few days, praise God (and thanks Dad and everybody else who is praying for me to have good rest - it helps me to maintain the joyful attitude and patience!). Also, friends have reminded me about the fragrance and aroma that rises to God as we serve Jesus and make His name known.

Luke, my brother-in-Christ, arrived at the beginning of last week and it has been wonderful getting to know him, serving with him, and sharing the work here with him. He is a gentle and calm young man (from the midwest - bonus points!) and the students respond very well to him. We have ventured to try different foods together at the market and we have shared the joy of teaching children about Jesus, and encouraging believers here in their lives with Christ.

Until next time...
grace and peace.
-mel

Durian fruit, ice cream, fish and loaves of bread

(totally unrelated photograph...but the post seemed like it wanted some color - this is a common site in Cambodia, although many times the sacks or other cargo aren't so neatly arranged)

Luke and I went back to one of the villages this week to teach english and share the gospel. (Luke, my teammate and brother and friend arrived at the beginning of this week after having spent the last 7 weeks in another SEAsian country doing a Summer English Program). We shared the story about Jesus feeding the 5000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread, with several baskets of fish and bread leftover after everyone was fed. We talked about how Jesus loved the people and saw that they were hungry and wanted to feed them. We talked about how Jesus feeds the hearts of people who believe in Him, and how God made a way for us to live and be fed, by giving us Jesus. We can eat and be full, even if our tummies are not full. O Bread of life! Lifting it up!

Of course they really enjoyed talking about their own favorite foods. Durian (sp?) fruit was towards the top of the list. Let me just tell you, that is one food that has to grow on you - the texture and the smell are odd and even stinky, but funny thing is, it seems like one of those one could grow to love and even crave. Other foods the children liked are (go figure!) ice cream, hamburgers, pizza. I'm not sure that the children have tried the hamburgers and pizza, but there are usually ice cream vendors who drive little carts around (the carts play tunes much like the ice cream man in the truck in the USA plays music when he gets closer to where he may find customers). I will go back to that village at least one more time before leaving.

Shameless plug: The director of the school has offered that if some want to come to Kampuchea for a visit (short term or long term) and to teach english and share the good Word, he can find a place for them to stay in the village...true opportunity if anyone I know is interested :) They're lovely people here...and great opportunity to share Jesus' love.

Also this week, much time spent at the various NGO's, many meals eaten at the Toul tom Poung market (russian market) and back to Khmer language lessons. It was easier to learn languages as a younger person - haha! If i were to come back here long term, I would want to follow the pattern of many who serve cross-culturally. A year for really gaining language skills, then focus on serving (perhaps outside of the city). People raise goats here too!!!. The idea of living here should disturb me, especially considering that yesterday I ate several berries at least one of which appears to have had worms (not just yuck, but a little frightening on some level), but it's not really disturbing to me. Back to the worms... It's funny, because i was listening to a Mark Driscoll message where he talks about how irritating it is to him for people to pray "let this food be nourishing to our bodies", because of course it will be nourishing unless it's consistently junk food. And while, I might agree on that point, I have to disagree on another level - While worms may have nutrients like protein, they also have the potential to rob one's body, parasitically, of what one's body needs. So, I think I will continue to pray that the food God provides me will be nourishing, a blessing, and not a curse. By the way, the beef here (when it's not all gristle like last night's meal) is very tasty. It would be nice if there weren't so many chemicals and hormones added to American beef. It would taste so much better.

Siem Reap and the Wats

The snack on the bus ride from Siem Reap back to P.P.: Grilled Bananas and sticky rice, wrapped in banana leaf. Delicious. Boldly purchased from a street vendor. Boldly consumed.


My lovely friend Chanleap. She showed me around the Wats and Siem Reap. (She is also one of my students at one of the projects).

At the Cambodian Heritage Museum... They have performances during the day into the early evening featuring traditional dance and music from throughout the Cambodian provinces. They are very talented performers...Gymnastics, dialogue, singing, acrobatics, drama.

A young man washes in the water at Angkor Wat temple.

One of the most famous spots at Ta Prohm (sp?), one of the other Wats near Angkor Wat. Check out how deep and wide the roots are as you see me standing in front of them. Look, Ma - I'm wearing a hat ;). The trees have really taken over the temple and in some places have caused stones to tumble. It's a pretty surreal place. People offer sacrifices, burn incense, and bow to Buddha here.